Dear Mason,

Dear Mason,
I'm trying so hard to stay strong right now. My emotions are all over the place. I'm so nervous about another baby joining our crew and how I'll handle each of you together and individually. You each deserve my undivided attention is so many different ways. You are so excited about starting at Midland Christian, yet I'm not sure you realize what it will entail. It'll be every day away from us, away from Sutton. It'll be a long day for you to get used to. It'll be new friends and new adventures. Yet I know you will miss home. It's just your sweet nature. I'm trying to be strong and to not think about all the changes ahead yet I'm not doing very well these days. There are days I tear up just looking at you. There are days it doesn't even cross my mind and I stay strong all day! The other night was not one of my strong days. I laid my head down on the pillow and I immediately started crying, scared your daddy of course. Poor thing, he had no clue why I was crying. No one can prepare a mama for sending their first born child to school everyday. I felt the world around me was just crashing down. Instead of just laying in my bed crying, I went to your room, laid with you, and listened to you sleep for awhile. You didn't know I was there, but being close to you was all I needed. I needed to know you were still little. I needed to know you were still sweet, and still and quiet. You and I have had our moments in the last 4 years together. Oh there have been days we butted heads from sun up to sun down. But there have been some wonderful conversations, laughs, I love you's, perfectly cherished days as well. I'm thankful for each one of them. So Mason, forgive me for crying randomly in the next month, for missing you, for not keeping my emotions inside, for making you hug me, or sit closer to me for just a little longer. This mama thing is hard. I love you my Mason mess. Love, Mama.